Pussy addicted

Last night a client told me that he has an addictive personality and that he’s worried he is “pussy addicted” right now. “Which after cocaine is the second most expensive addiction”. I could see he felt some concern about it. He’s older and needs a new bed but says it’s “really expensive” though he’s blown $1400 USD on me in the last month ($1750 in total including the money he paid to another woman the time we had a threesome).

It’s such a strange life. I want his money obviously and it’s his prerogative to spend on me how he likes but it’s standard for me to to stoke the fires of my client’s desire with flirty texts after the booking that remind him of me and make him feel connected to me. I actually do have quite a nice time with him and feel lucky to have him as a regular. But we both know that without the money, I will disappear.

From the McDonald’s worker who saves up for months to the exec who uses his company’s gold card, guys will spend mind-boggling amounts on sex. Money is a tangible form of tribute and kindness and I’m reminded everytime how important I am to them. So what are my responsibilities? What does it mean to be an ethical hooker?

Other workers out there: would you ever, have you ever minimized your earning on behalf of a client?

How do you feel about being so worshipped that guys will spend money on your service before paying for their own essentials?

Is it a sign of internalized patriarchy that I’m even asking this question? As though I don’t just deserve the balancing out going on here (the client I’m talking about was a powerful (though staunchly left wing) politician who reaped the benefits of his white maleness over the course of his life).

Good morning from San Francisco.

Juliet

ps thx Auletride for your comments on NYC Tricks. Using the term “masseuse” sounds like a genius strategy for communicating to those in the know and staying stealth to those who aren’t. I will most definitely be trying that one out.

6 thoughts on “Pussy addicted

  1. Hi Juliet. I’ve been reading your blog for a little while and find it very interesting :). I will be interested to watch how this thread pans out – it’s certainly a fascinating question.

  2. I think any ethical person would question that sort of situation. Are you enabling a harmful addiction? Is the client depriving himself (much more relevantly, a wife and children) of sustinance to feed the addiction? If you refuse to work with him, isn’t he just going to find someone else? Who even cares about him, we’re the underclass compared to rich clients? Some folks I know have “regular” prices, maybe that would feel more ethical and you wouldn’t lose the client.

  3. I’ve definitely faced this dilemma before but it’s so hard to say if, or what, we as providers should do. If you turn him down what’s to say he’s not going to call another girl and spend that money on her? Years ago I used to work for agencies and I remember being sent to one really young (21 or 22 years) clients studio apartment over and over again. He was charging our services on his credit card and clearly did not have the money to pay for us in cash. I kept thinking about what kind of debt he would have once his “addiction” was over…or until he ran out of credit. Eventually I refused to see him because it was such an uncomfortable session, but I’ve definitely seen this behavior a lot over time.

    I’m guessing this might be an issue that bartenders or casino workers might have quite often as well. Is it our job to interfere? I know it’s question of being “an ethical” hooker or not, but as with any with any individual who has an addiction or spending problem, it’s up to them to realize that they have just that…a problem…and quit or get help.

  4. We have a tremendous capacity for healing in this profession. Clients, society, ourselves.
    If you think you might be able to have a conversation that will help, try if you want. Oh, and if you happen to discover what to say to an addict that will help them stop… Please share! ’cause nobody else has found that magical phrase.
    Which leaves society and self. Society will slowly learn this is an honorable line of work if we treat it as such.
    So don’t do work that has you feeling icky. A wonderful facet: Your good client might not be mine. Consider seeing the “he’ll just go see another girl If I don’t take his money” as a feature not a bug. We’re swimming in a wide, deep ocean of fabulous clients with whom the good feelings can flow both ways. (insert stroke pun here: breast? butterfly?)

  5. This is Caty, btw, edgylittledogooder.blogspot.com, who commented on your “Gifts” entry a couple of years ago. (I’m doing more flippant blogging/tumbling now at marginalutilite.tumblr.com). You boggled at my definition of “mundane”. This is what I wrote on my fb and my tumblr linking to your latest post: “Man, this post brings back memories of a decade ago, of being a novice, wet-behind-the-ears and politicized-to-the-gills ho. The discovery that clients can have complex and interesting personalities, the not so welcome discovery that the biggest problems one will have will come not from the job but from the stigma and the response from one’s supposedly progressive peers, the horror the first time the condom breaks and one rushes to get tested….” In response to comments: “Yeah, my experience with sex work was weird b/c I was a feminist geek before I got into it, and had read _Whores and Other Feminists_ and other such books before I even considered the possibility of whoring myself. Though, I guess my experience was common in that financial necessity was what led me to jump into it.” “I like how she qualifies and says her story is partly about privilege–mine certainly was, as well. Though, later, that got complicated by my drug use and how that categorized me socially.” I guess this is all just to say I really identified, and thank you for writing it.

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